


Planless

by Adlyn



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Klance if you squint, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Langst, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-05-29 08:31:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15069251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adlyn/pseuds/Adlyn
Summary: His eyes met the ceiling, littered with assorted glow-in-the-dark stars. Green little pinpricks of light. Stars, stars.Lance reached his arm out, fingertips stretching for stars.But they were too far away. His hands couldn’t reach the stars, no matter how much he stretched. The ceiling wasn’t just feet away, it was miles.Lance’s head slowly rolled to the side. He wouldn’t cry. He was seventeen years old. He wouldn’t cry. Other people deserved to cry, but not Lance.-Lance has been feeling off for a while, but doesn't know what to do. As usual, he finds himself planless.





	1. Chapter 1

When he got the call slip in first period, Lance knew that he was screwed. 

Lance McClain. Room 312. End of period. Counselor’s Office. 

Shit.

He had messed up bad last night. So, so bad. He knew he shouldn’t have reached out to anyone, even his best friend Hunk. Hunk was a good person, but Lance wasn’t. He knew he wasn't. He was a dirty rag with frayed edges. Useless. He had no idea how Hunk was even friends with him; he should have known that Hunk was too good for him. 

_You never should have reached out to him. Idiot. Idiot, idiot, idot._

_What a fucking idiot._

His footsteps echoed down the empty hall. It was always slightly creepy, being out of class while the rest of the school was learning. Or something close to learning, anyway. As close as the American public school system could get.

Each step triggered a little spasm in his heart. Desperately, he was forming a story in his head. Something close enough to the truth to be plausible, but far enough to draw attention away from himself. He didn’t need attention, he didn’t need help. Other people needed help and attention, but other people were more deserving. 

Lance was just...Lance.

Lance rounded the corner, glancing up. COUNSELOR’S OFFICE. He had probably walked under this sign a million times in his years at Garrison High, but for the first time, he felt something potent as he saw the red letters. It stirred up in his gut, wanting him to run but also pleading him to stay still. 

Dread.

Lance passed the threshold and arrived in another hallway. Inside were more doors leading to four different counselors assigned to each student based on last name. He found where his last name fell and sat outside the corresponding door, waiting to be called.

Anxiety clawed at his insides, desperately trying to set itself free. Lance controlled it the best he could, neatly folding his green call slip. A plan. All he needed was a plan.

He snorted a little. Lance always seemed to need a plan. But he usually was rendered planless, relying on his intuition to play it by ear. Hunk always was the one to keep him in check, to bring some caution in his life. 

Hunk. 

Hunk, the one person that had gotten him into this mess. Hunk, who had-

Lance stopped himself right there. Blaming Hunk was not the path he should go down. Hunk was good, Hunk was kind. Hunk wanted the best for him, even if Lance couldn’t be helped.

He took a breath, directing his thoughts back to the current situation. He didn’t have much information to know how the conversation with the counselor would go, but he could still have a rough idea on what he could do. His go-to plan, his catch all safety net. Distract and disarm. 

Lance quietly unfolded his call slip and prepared himself.

A moment or two passed until a woman with Kleenex hair came out of her office. Despite her hair color, she looked young and fresh out of college. After spotting Lance, she greeted him with a smile.

“Hello. You must be Lance. Come in.” She beckoned him inside her office with a minimalistic but commanding gesture. After stepping aside to let him enter first, she then closed the door with a small noise. The click was barely audible, but sounded like executions bells to Lance.

“That’s me, Lance. You’re Ms….uh.” Lance suddenly drew a blank. This counselor was new this year, and he had had no reason to contact her before. He let his “uh” elongate, praying the counselor would save him and give him her name.

“Just call me Allura.” She said with a diplomatic smile.

“Allura. That’s an interesting name. Where does it come from?” Lance asked, casually taking a seat on the couch. Carefully, he watched his body language. No crossed legs or arms, slightly leaned towards Allura’s seat. Not knowing the counselor’s name had thrown him off his game for a split second, but he was determined to get back on the horse. Distract and disarm.

“I’m named after my grandmother on my mother’s side,” Allura explained. “I don’t know where she got the name from, but it is unique.”

Quickly, Lance jumped into the conversation.

“Yeah, it kinda sounds like an alien name, in the best way possible,” He flashed a smile. “I like to think my name comes from Lancelot, but one of my friends insists that is comes from ‘petulance’.”

“Petulance?” Allura asked. Lance did an internal fistbump. She’d taken the conversation bait.

“Yeah, petulance,”Lance smoothly responded, “Its definition is the quality of being childishly sulky or bad-tempered. Like, ‘a slight degree of petulance had crept into his voice’ "

Allura cocked a eyebrow. “Did you, by chance, memorize the dictionary entry for that word?”

“Yes,” Lance said, looking at the clock out of the corner of his eye, “Yes I did. You have to do stuff like that when you have super smart friends.”

As Allura chuckled, Lance processed his situation. Only five minutes of first period left. When the bell rang, hopefully Allura would let him go and not call him back, considering how fine he seemed. Never before had Lance been so eager to get to second period math.

But, just as he opened his mouth to speak algain. It seemed that Allura wasn’t so easy to distract.

“On the subject of friends,” she started, “we should probably talk about why I called you here. Though I do admit it’s nice to have an easy conversation with a student.”

Lance struggled for a neutral face. As Allura said the dreaded words, Lance kept his body loose, choking away any tension.

“Last night, the school received a call from a concerned student regarding you,” She paused. Allura had been making eye contact with Lance before, but now her eyes seemed to be looking through him. “Lance, they were afraid that you were going to seriously injure yourself.”

Lance forced his eyebrows upward, praying that his attempt at surprise would get past Allura. He hadn’t expected such a direct question, and yet again he felt planless.

He would have to bullshit hard to get himself out of this one.


	2. Chapter 2

_The whole day had been a shitshow._

_Lance stared at his laptop. His essay was going nowhere. His grades were going to drop. And god dammit, he was going nowhere and was going to drop. He swore to god that he was trying but nothing seemed to go his way._

_Lance rubbed his eyes and closed his laptop. He would take the late grade._

_Slowly, he made his way to his bed, flipping the light switch on his way there. His eyes met the ceiling, littered with assorted glow-in-the-dark stars. Green little pinpricks of light. Stars, stars._

_Lance reached his arm out, fingertips stretching for stars._

_But they were too far away. His hands couldn’t reach the stars, no matter how much he stretched. The ceiling wasn’t just feet away, it was miles._

_Lance’s head slowly rolled to the side. He wouldn’t cry. He was seventeen years old. He wouldn’t cry. Other people deserved to cry, but not Lance._

_His eyes landed on his bedside table._

_He could help himself if he wanted to. He could give himself a reason to cry. He could-_

_No. He shouldn’t._

_Abruptly, Lance stood up. Reaching for his phone, he decided to dial Hunk. He didn’t have to tell him everything, Lance reasoned, but it would be nice to hear his friends voice. It’d be nice to reach out._

_Hunk picked up on the second ring._

_“Hey, buddy. What’s up?” Hunk spoke, his warm voice coming through the line._

_“Hey, Hunk. I’m just planning on killing my paper right now.” Lance said. “Seriously, why do we need to write six pages of bullshit?”_

_Hunk snorted. “I know. I finished my paper yesterday and I had to take a nap afterwards.”_

_“I haven’t even gotten halfway,and I need to do that. Take a nap.” Lance’s mind wandered. “Nap for a day. Heck, maybe a week or a month or even a year. I need a long nap man.”_

_“Are you okay, Lance?” Hunk’s worry came off in waves. “You seem...off.”_

_Lance cursed himself. He hadn’t ever told Hunk about some of the things he’d done, some of the things he’d thought. Hunk meant a lot to him-he was kind, he was caring, he was smart. He deserved the world._

_Then, like a parasite, Lance had insisted to become his friend._

_Lance was a screw up. He flirted with girls he could never get. He messed around when he was supposed to pay attention. He was so, so small. He didn’t deserve to be friends with Hunk. Why was he even friends with Hunk?_

_Hunk was a star. And the stars were so, so far away._

_“Lance, deep breaths buddy. It’s okay. Screw the paper.”_

_Lance blinked. He was sitting on the floor, heart beating and eyes crying._

_Crying. Shit._

_“Can you talk to me buddy? It’s okay if you can’t. I can be at your house in five minutes.”_

_Hunk’s voice was kind. Too kind for someone like Lance._

_“I’m...sorry.” Lance gasped out. His other hand not gripping the phone tugged his hair. “I’m sorry, Hunk. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”_

_“Shh, it’s okay,” Hunk whispered. “It’s fine, buddy. You haven’t done anything to apologise for.”_

_Lance laughed. That was a lie if he ever heard one. Didn’t Hunk know that Lance had the world to apologise to? Didn’t Hunk know that Lance messed up whatever and whoever he was near?_

_“I’m sorry, Hunk,” Lance said with more conviction. “You don’t need me. No one needs me. I don’t even need me.”_

_“Lance, that not true. I-”_

_“It’s okay, Hunk. Really, it’s fine.” Lance glanced up at the ceiling. “I think I know what I need to do.”_

_“Wait, Lance! I’ll be at your house soon! I really, really care about you. And Pidge will-”_

_KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!_

_Lance glanced at the clock. It was probably his brother, fresh from work. If he was going to do something, now was his chance. As each moment passed, Hunk's voice rose in volume and pitch. He sounded hoarse. All because of Lance._

Look at what you did. You idiot. 

_Lance needed to stop hurting Hunk. And he could only do that by leaving._

_“Bye, Hunk.” Hunk's crescendoing voice was cut off._

__

_Silence._

_Lance looked at his bedside table, making his way towards it. His floor squeaked with each shift in weight. He was going to miss this room. He was going to miss his glowing stars._

_His phone buzzed in his hand. He let it ring._

_As he opened the drawer, it let out a little squeak. He’d been meaning to ask Hunk to help him fix it. Guess the poor drawer would never get fixed._

_Pushing his socks to the side, he fished around until he felt it. Cold metal. Lance took a breath, steeling himself. He could do this. It might hurt for a little, but then it’d be over. He could do it. He could-_

_“Lance?”_

_Lance whipped around. Marco, with oldest brother stood at the entrance of the room._

_“I was knocking and called you but the line was busy. I forgot my house keys.” he said, a question mark in his voice._

_“Oh yeah!” Lance let out a little laugh. “I was grabbing some socks so I could open the door.”_

_“Luckily I found the spare keys. You’re too slow.” The big brother teased. “I got dinner downstairs. Race you.”_

_“You’re on!” Lance forced a smile on his face. He made himself lose, willing himself to trip down the last couple of stairs._

_As they ate dinner, the phone rang, and Lance had a bad feeling in his stomach. He peaked out the window._

_The stars weren’t out yet._  
\----  
Lance had miscalculated.

“Are you surprised?” Allura questioned, looking at his raised eyebrows. “I called your home yesterday after the school received the student call. I believe your brother picked up, and said you were next to him. He also informed me he would talk to you to make sure everything would be okay.”

Lance fought the urge to rip his eyebrows out. She’d bought the fact he was surprised, but he shouldn’t be in this situation. He needed to make a quick recovery.

“Well, I know that you called, and my brother and I did talk, but this whole thing’s really blown out of proportion.” Lance kept his voice at a normal pitch. Confirming and expanding was easier then dening.

Allura nodded. “How would you say this was blown out of proportion?”

Lance quickly recalled the events of yesterday, picking and choosing points to concede as truth and integrating what he told his brother last night. Without missing a beat, he started off his story.

“Well, I know that the student call was probably from Hunk. He was the only one I was talking to last night.” Lance put is arm behind his neck. “I was in a pretty sour mood. A six page AP Language paper kinda did that to me. So, I decided to complain to Hunk over the phone and- wait, do you know Keith Kogane?”

Allura nodded. A slightly tense smile was on her face. “Yes. His last name means I’m his counselor.”

“Right,” Lance nodded, “Well anyway, you’re kinda new to the school, but Keith and I kinda have a thing.”

Allura gave him a nod, but Lance quickly realized it was the wrong kind.

“Not a thing thing,”He shot out, “we’re not in a relationship. What I meant was we have this sort of rivalry going on and I get in trouble with Mr.Iverson sometimes over it.”

“Okay.” Allura said, but she looked like she was slightly confused on how this connected to his story.

“My point is,”Lance tried to clarify, “is that sometimes I can take things a little too far. Like jokes. And that night, I was in a bad mood, so I did a pretty stupid thing, actually.” 

Folding her hands in her lap, Allura gave him an encouraging look. Lance braced himself.

“I joked about killing myself.”Lance spat. This was the hard part of the story to get out. “I know it’s not funny, and that it’s a really big thing, but it’s pretty common in people’s humor nowadays. So I was joking and, I must have gone to far. And Hunk- have you met Hunk?”

“Only in passing.”

“Well, Hunk can get concerned and nervous easily. And so it’s not a surprise that my joke went too far. Then, I hear a really loud knock at the door. Turns out my brother was home from work but forgot his house key. So, I told Hunk bye and hung up. But I forgot to clear the air with him, or just double to check that he knew that it was a joke.”

“So Hunk got nervous and took you seriously?” Allura said. Lance couldn’t tell if she believed him or not. She was a locked diary.

“Yeah. I was going to talk to him today during break and make sure he’s not freaking out,” Lance said with a little smile. His story was done, and all he could do was keep calm and let Allura decide what to believe.

Slowly, she nodded.

“You should clear things up with him, then. But,” Her blue eyes seemed to bore into Lance, “My door is always open. Even if it’s just a sour mood, as you put it.”

“Of course. I’ll hit you up if I have any problems with the ladies.” Lance said, a goofy smile plastering his face. A screamed rocked the inside of his brain, but he was determined to keep it contained.

“Uhh...yes.” Allura said with a uncertain smile. 

_Riiiiiing!_

It took Lance a moment to realise that the bell had rung. Allura stood up, Lance following suit. As they made their way closer and closer to the door, Lance felt his stomach drop. He could feel Allura analysing him, even when he was behind her.

She paused at her door. Lance held his breath.

“I almost forgot to write you a pass.” 

“Y-yeah.” Lance said with a nervous laugh. “Close call.”

Allura make her way to her desk and wrote Lance a quick note. As she handed it to him, she met his eyes.

“You mentioned Keith Kogane today.” She started, hesitant.

“Yeah.” Lance dumbly responded. He wasn’t sure if he should be overjoyed about the change of topic yet.

“I can’t say much, but,” Allura paused. “Just be kind to him. Especially now.”

Lance could feel his eyebrows genuinely furrow. Be nice to Keith? The emotional brick? But still, the change of topic was a good distraction.

“I’ll try.”Lance said non committedly.

Allura nodded in return. “Get back to class then.” 

She opened the door for him, and as Lance walked in front of her he could feel her gaze. He could tell. Allura didn’t quite believe Lance’s act, but was letting him go.

He didn’t know whether that was a good or bad thing.


	3. Chapter 3

It wasn’t that Lance was trying to avoid Hunk, it was just that he conveniently hadn’t run into him yet. And if that was what Lance told himself to try to fight off the guilt growing in his stomach, he was okay with that. Yeah, he was okay with that. He was okay.

_What a liar._

It was break, and the meeting with Allura that morning had shaken him up a little bit. Not only was she-Lance had to admit- really attractive, but he didn’t expect those icy blue eyes to stare right through him. Lance had never felt so vulnerable around someone he barely knew. It...it scared him. But at the same time, he wished she could have seen through him more. Right now, it just felt like the awkward middle ground.

Lance caught something out of the corner of his eye. Glancing up, the red text haunted him. COUNSELOR’S OFFICE. For some reason or another, his feet brought him back here, like he had little magnets attached to him with a mind of their own.

Maybe he could go back. Maybe he could talk to her. 

Maybe he could open up.

Lance stopped in the middle of the deserted hallway. Allura probably had dozen of other students to take care of. Other students with bigger problems then his. He could handle by himself. He could push his way through without anybody’s help. It’s not like he actually hurt himself yesterday, right? Sure, he had thought about it, but he hadn’t done it. That had to count for something, right? Lance could do this. He could get through this and live without bothering anyone else with his problems.

He could suck it up. 

Without thinking, Lance rounded the next corner as quickly as possible. His eyes were drawn to the sign on the other side. “LIBRARY.” 

_Aw shit._

Just like the adorable nerds they were, Lance spotted Hunk and Pidge sitting on the floor to the side of the entrance, talking animatedly to each other. It was their daily hangout spot.

_How the hell did I not notice?_

Lance did the quickest one-eighty he had done in his seventeen years of existence. He couldn’t deal with them right now. Not when he couldn’t even deal with himself.

The hallway with the counselor’s office was usually empty, making it the perfect place to panick or backtrack. So naturally Lance hadn’t even had a small part of his brain suggesting to check the freaking the area before plowing down the corner like a starved lion. This wasn’t helpful, as Lance unwittingly flung himself at another body.

To his embarrassment, Lance let out a little shriek as he collided. The person he accidentally jumped let out a slight grunt, grinding to a halt.

Lance hurriedly began to apologise. “Whoa, sorry dude, I-”

As his eyes travelled upward, Lance saw a dark hairstyle that could only be described as a mullet. Keith Kogane, his teenage rival himself.  
“Oh, Mullet! The Keith man himself. I see you fell for my ambush.” Lance straightened out his shoulders. He was surprised that he was actually happy to see Keith. He and Keith weren’t friends; in all honestly, they didn’t even know each other well. But, when they had been plonked in the same car at driver’s ed class, something about him caught Lance’s attention. He was a great driver off the bat, with the instructor switching from praising him for his control or reprimanding him for his sometimes questionable decisions. When they had another class together this school year, Lance couldn’t help himself but try to rial the guy up.

It was nice, to revert to something familiar and never changing. Even if it was with Keith and his annoying face.

“Better be careful, next time could take you out. You see, I’ve been studying the-”

“I don’t have time for this, Lance.” Keith voice cut like sharpened steel.

“Aww, everybody’s got time for…” Lance trailed off, suddenly remembering Allura’s words. She had told him to be kind to Keith for some weird reason she couldn’t say. Lance scanned his face. The more he looked at Keith, the more he seemed...off. It was his eyes. Though they usually had some bags, they seemed more tired than usual. More red. Red? Lance glanced down.

A green call slip was in his right hand.

Keith caught the direction of his stare. His feet started moving.

Lance felt something forming in his stomach. It rose up into his arm, grabbing Keith. It clawed its way to his throat, coated in an emotion he didn’t expect. It swam upstream to his brain, making his heart do all sorts of weird things.

“Hey man, is everything okay?”

Keith’s eyes met his. They were a weird color, one that Lance couldn’t exactly place. They bore into his skin, not seeing through him but pinning is body down with weight. Not anger, but force.

“Like you would even care.”

Keith moved out of Lance’s grasp and Lance put up no protest. Keith grew distant down the hallway, eventually turning into the counselor’s, but the force of his eyes stood on top of him. Even as the bell rang, his feet stood planted, unable to move.

Until something brought him out of his daze.

“Hey, Lance!”

Lance’s eyes flicked quickly to the sound of the noise. Hunk and Pidge had just rounded the corner, spotting him immediately. He hurriedly smiled. He was a weird mashup of moods, but his friends seemed happy, even excited to see him. Following suit seemed like the best thing he could do. 

“Wassup, double trouble!” Lance said. He flinched inwardly, making a solemn oath never, ever to say that again.

Pidge snorted. “We all know that double trouble refers to you and your terrible catch phrases.”

Lance put his hands up to his heart. “You wound me, my short comrade.”

Rolling her eyes, Pidge adjusted her backpack. “Well, my third’s in the other building. Catch you losers later.”

“See ya, Pidge” Lance said, waving to her was she walked down the hallway. He turned to Hunk. He had been suspiciously quiet. Lance didn’t want to, but he forced himself to look his best friend in the eyes.

Like Keith’s, Hunk’s eyes seemed to bore into him. But instead of a suffocating force, it felt warmer. Like suffocating care. And before he knew it, Hunk was actually suffocating him, strong arms wrapping around him and enveloping him in yellow.

Lance closed his eyes. Hunk hugs were the best. They were firm but gentle. Powerful yet kind. A shield from the world, yet a reminder that you were always welcome in it. Lance loved and hated it; it helped him in more ways than Hunk could have known, but it made lying to him that much worse.

Too soon, the embrace ended.

“Hey Lance, how are you doing?” Hunk asked with such gentleness that it made the brick of guilt in Lance’s being triple in size.

“Me? I’m excellent, as usual.” Lance said, plastering a grin on his face.

“Lance, last night…”Hunk plead with his eyes. “You really freaked me out. Is everything okay? I don’t want to pry, but you didn’t sound good.”

Lance felt his smile droop.

“Yeah, sorry about that buddy,”Lance said sincerely. “I just had a little freak out. But I’m fine, really.”

Hunk looked at him, still for a moment. “Okay. I’m glad. But,” He paused. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“Of course.” Lance lied. Hunk was an amazing person. He knew he would listen if Lance talked to him. But he...he couldn’t do that to him. He couldn’t drag him into his problems.He cared for Hunk immensely, but he couldn’t burden him anymore then he was now.

“Good.” Hunk lit up. “I guess we better get to class though. Iverson’s going to kick you out of the class if you’re late again.”

“Yeah. Great plan.” Lance replied, feet beginning to shuffle.

As the two made their way to AP Language, Lance remembered a certain mullet haired boy. Keith was supposed to be in his next period, and he found a part of him hoping that he would make his way back to class before the period ended.

_Only to make fun of him. Not like I care about his well being or why a static, emotionless koala like him would be crying._

Despite what he told himself, he couldn’t shake bloodshot eyes and a wrinkled green slip from his head.


	4. Chapter 4

Lance was known for many things, and none of them were his patience. It had been five minutes since they had arrived in Mr.Iverson’s class and Lance’s eyes kept flicking to the empty seat in front of him. Keith Kogane. His rival. A sourpus. 

Red eyes and a green slip.

Lance and Keith hadn’t really hung out before. He’d run into him in the halls sometimes and traded jabs during class occasionally during timed writes. Lance didn’t hate Keith, but they never had been particularly close. Yet he couldn’t shake the teen from his head. To see someone so vulnerable pulled at his heart, especially if it was someone as closed up as Keith.

Lance glanced at the clock. He would wait ten more minutes. Just ten. Then he would see what was happening with Keith. Just out of curiosity, of course. Ten minutes. Just ten. Ten.

Nine.

Eight.

Okay, Lance couldn’t take it anymore.

Iverson was still talking about Thoreau or Emerson or Whitman or some writer Lance should know. The teacher wasn’t Lance’s biggest fan, and there was red ink in the margins of his essays to prove it. Silently, Lance cursed. As much as he wanted to go _now_ there was no way Iverson would let him in the middle of his lecture.

Lance’s legs bounced up and down. As quietly as he could, he tapped his fingers on his notebook. Could Iverson talk _any_ longer?

“What’s wrong, McClain? The greats too great for you?”Iverson’s voice shot through the room and bitch slapped Lance across the face.Well, at least the teacher had given him an opening.

“Never, sir. They’re overwhelmingly great. So great that my bladder is freaking out.” Lance was proud that he was able to say this with a straight face.

Some students snickered across the room. On his left, Hunk gave him a look that was both amused and exacerbated. Iverson wasn’t as easy to entertain.

“Well unfortunately for your bladder, it had its chance to freak out ten minutes ago during break. Please try to contain your enthusiasm for transcendentalism for now.”

That didn’t sit well with Lance. Yes, Keith may be coming back to class this very second, but Lance didn’t know that for sure. He had to know. It was an itch he just had to scratch.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Iverson, sir, but my enthusiasm cannot be contained any longer. I’m afraid I’ll have to excuse myself to the bathroom.”

Iverson made eye contact with Lance. His look could kill him in one swipe. 

“Fine, McClain. Take a hall pass and be quick about it.”

“Yes, sir!” Lance said and sarcastically saluted as he exited the room, hall pass in hand.

As he passed by the library on his way towards the counselor's office, Lance came to a quick realization; he had absolutely no plan.

Shit.

Lance went up to the drinking fountain to think. No one was around. Maybe he could just act normal and loiter until Keith came out? Then what? He should probably talk to Keith, but he had to be smooth about it. The last thing he wanted Keith to think was that he was some creepy stalker that followed him everywhere.

Lance stopped drinking before he drowned in metallic, odd-temperature water. Awkwardly, he glanced around. Guess he would just wait. Wait.

Wait.

Lance’s hand found the back of his neck. _Maybe I should go back to class. Iverson’s going to kill me if I take ten minutes to go to the bathroom. Maybe Keith will be-_

“Allura,I’m sorry, but I have no choice but to suspend Mr.Kogane.”

Lance froze. He’d know that voice anywhere; his beloved mustached principle. 

“Coran, please! He was acting out of anger, perhaps we could-”

Three figures emerged from the counselor’s office. First was Principal Coran, who was generally likeable and kind. Next, was Allura, looking the same as this morning except something was on her face. Lance squinted. Was that blood? He glanced at Keith as he entered the hallway. Did he…?

“I know the situation, Allura, but he attacked you. I can’t allow this to go unpunished.” Coran paused. “I’m sorry, Keith. I know it’s a hard time for you. I’ll see what I can do on lowering the days you’re suspended.”

Keith was looking away the whole time. A slight nod of the head was the only indication he gave that he had even heard Coran. Fiddling with his gloves, his hands were the only thing that were moving. That, and his eyes. They flicked from place to place, flashing in emotions Lance couldn’t quite grasp.

Then they flashed to him.

 

“...L-Lance?” Keith voice seemed unsure.

Coran and Allura looked over to Keith. Slowly, they followed his gaze and Lance realized he should do something.

Awkwardly waving, Lance put his best neutral smile on his face.

“Hey, Keith. Allura, Coran. Everything...everything okay?”

The atmosphere thickened.

“Lance, my boy, you should probably get back to class.” Coran said kindly but with a twinge of sterness. Lance could read between the lines. This was something he was not supposed to see. He should scram.

Lance looked at Keith. He didn’t look any better than he did earlier in the day. What could have shaken him like that?

Their eyes met across the hallway.

“Keith...I’ll talk to you later man, okay?” 

Keith’s eyebrows furrowed. He seemed confused, he seemed skeptical, but his head slightly bobbed up and down. As Lance smiled, he could feel Allura’s eyes on him.

“Well, I’ll guess I’ll be heading back to class…”Lance filled the uncomfortable silence, hand gesturing vaguely behind him. As he turned around, hoping Iverson wouldn’t kill him on his return, he felt three pairs of eyes analyzing him.


	5. Chapter 5

Lance came home that afternoon, flopped onto his bed and was hit was a realization.

_He didn’t have Keith’s fucking number._

“Oh yeah, Lance. Why don’t you ‘talk to Keith later’ using a freaking carrier pigeon.” Lance sighed and did another flop on his bed. He was a genius, he could attest.

His eyes met his bedside drawer again. Was it really only yesterday that he almost hurt himself again? Did yesterday even happen really? Right now, it all seemed like a blur. A blur that he’d like to forget, but couldn’t. A yellow hug, a pair of icy blue eyes and a wrinkled green slip. They just wouldn’t leave him to rest.

That, and the fucking six page paper he still had to write.

Lance groaned. He would put off that for as long as possible. Right now, he would try to figure out how to contact Keith.

Maybe he could contact him through Shirogane Takashi? Lance had seen Shiro with Keith during their Driver’s Ed class frequently, usually picking him up and dropping him off. They seemed close at first, but that was solidified when once he was the guest police officer for their class. Officer Shirogane was enthusiastically asked to show off his taser gun, and he had pulled Keith to the front of the room before he could even say “No”. That had been a fun day.

Lance picked up his phone and dialed Pidge. Her older brother, Matt, worked at the same station as Shiro. According to Pidge, they hung out alot. Lance knew that she would be suspicious of why he wanted the officer’s number, but he decided he at least had to try. There was at least a chance that he could get some form of contacting Keith.

The call, however, went to voicemail. Lance tried dialing a second then a third time, but the results were still the same.

Lance decided to call Hunk. Him and Pidge often hung out to geek out on tech while communicating in words and phrases of a seemingly different language.

“Hi buddy, what’s up?” Hunk’s voice rang clear.

“Hey Hunk,” Lance greeted. “Have you seen Pidge around? I’ve tried calling three times, but she hasn’t picked up.”

“Oh.” Lance expected Hunk to elaborate, but each second drew out in silence. Slowly, it became evident Hunk needed prompting.

“Is Pidge okay?” Lance finally asked.

“I’m...I don’t think so.” Hunk admitted hesitantly. “She got a green call slip at the beginning of sixth period and didn’t come back. I’ve been trying to contact her, but she hasn’t answered.”

“Oh man. That’s not good.” That was three people Lance knew sent to the counselor’s office today, including himself.

“Yeah. I’m kinda freaking out a little.” Hunk sighed.

“Well, she might just be working on a new project.” Lance proposed. Going MIA wasn’t exactly out of character for Pidge, even if the timing was bad.

“She didn’t mention anything.” Lance could tell Hunk’s worry was growing.

“I’m sure she’s fine.It was probably just about her schedule or something; we’ll get a hold of her eventually.” Lance reassured.

“Yeah,” Hunk breathed out. “I’m slightly tempted to spam her voice mail, texts. school email and/or mail box.”

“Dude, no.”

“I’m joking, Lance.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know big guy. Anyways, I’ll talk to you later, okay?”As much as Lance loved talking to Hunk, he still needed to figure out how to get a hold of Keith.

“Okay. I’ll let you know if I hear from Pidge.”

“You mean _when_ , dude.”

“Ah you’re right. And no, I’m not repeating that. Later.” Hunk quickly hung up.

Lance sighed, eyeing his phone. What was going on with Pidge? He hoped that her counselor’s appointment went better than both Keith and his. Especially Keith’s.

Lance thought back to what Hunk had said. Maybe he should spam her. As his siblings could attest, Lance could excel at being persistent like that. 

Wait.

A light went off in Lance’s brain.

Jumping out of bed, he grabbed his laptop. As he flipped it open, he was greeted by his extremely important, deadline-hovering, half-done six page essay. Without a second thought, he closed the document and opened up his email. His school email.

He may not know much about Keith, but he knew his first and last name. Just barely enough to know his school email.

_Keith.Kogane@garrison.org_

As Lance typed in Keith’s email, he realized he had no idea what to say. He couldn’t just “What’s shakin’ bacon” into a situation like this. Well, he could, but Lance’s advanced strategic mind felt like that wasn't a good idea.

Groaning, Lance started to type. And backspace. And type.Then back space again.

_Keith doesn’t want to talk to you, you fucking idiot._

Keith...since when had he and Keith been friends? Obviously he was going through something emotional. He didn’t need Lance coming and fucking up his life even more. Keith didn’t need Lance. No one did.

Lance closed his laptop and layed down. He couldn’t quite see his glow-in-the-dark stars yet. Maybe he could lie here the rest of the day and watch them as the sun went down. All he had to do was wait.

Slowing his breathing, Lance could hear faint, distinct pairs footsteps coming from downstairs. His family was underneath, smiling and laughing and loving each other. All without Lance. They loved him, he knew, but that didn’t mean they needed him. Not really. Maybe they would be sad if he left, but they would get over it. They would forget how life with him felt like. They would move on while Lance would eternally stuck six feet under with nowhere to go.

Lance suddenly became possessed with impatience. He sprung up from his bed, closed his blinds and shut off the lights. QUickly, he bounded to his bed and flopped on.

He saw the stars, still impossibly far away. Green little pinpricks of unattainable light. Green…

Would Keith and Pidge really be okay? Then again, Pidge had Hunk, the most caring person on the planet. And Keith...Lance racked his brain. Of course Keith had Shiro, but he couldn’t think of anyone their age that Keith was close to. Keith had always seemed like a lone wolf, stronger and better on his own. But his eyes had been red. He had looked devastated. He had punched Allura.

Lance glanced at his laptop, then back at the stars. Maybe he could help. If he messed up, he was pretty sure Keith would shut him down before he could do any real damage. Keith would let him now if he fucked up; at least he could trust in that.

It took Lance a while to decide what to write, but he finally made a decision.

_Hey Mullet, So what went down at school today?_

It wasn’t put the most delicately, Lance knew, but it felt weird to go more mushy or personal right off the bat. 

With resignation, Lance hit send and closed his laptop. Eyelids sinking, his body followed suit. Lance decided now was the perfect time to take a nap.


	6. Chapter 6

It had taken Keith a day to respond. More accurately, a whole freaking twenty-seven hours. Lance was convinced Keith was doing it out of spite, rubbing his stupid leather gloves together somewhere and smiling, knowing that he was driving Lance completely insane.

It also didn’t help that Pidge hadn’t been at school today, and neither him or Hunk could contact her. They had even, in the end, resorted to her school email and dropped by her house. Both methods resulted in emptiness. The two friends were on edge, and their anxiety bounced between them.

When Lance got home that afternoon, he threw his laptop onto his bed, tore it open and punched his school email in. There it was. Keith’s reply. It was only five words long.

_Why are you so interested?_

Well, okay, that was fair. Lance was suddenly prying onto Keith’s personal life, and Keith wasn’t known for being the most out there.

But still, Lance didn’t want to be mushy with Keith, didn’t want to tell him about red eyes and two green slips and something in his stomach that travelled up,up,up. So, he settled for a logical answer.

_You punched Allura._

Hopefully, that wouldn’t offend him.

Laying on his bed, Lance absentmindedly hit the refresh button over and over again. Emailing was very,very inconvenient. Letting his mind wander, Lance missed footsteps trekking up the stairs and towards his room. The only thing that snapped him out of his daze was his door opening.

“Hey, Lancey Lance.” Marco greeted, smiling.

“M-marco!” Lance shot up. “I thought you were going out after work today!”

“I just swung by to change out of my uniform,” Marco raised an eyebrow, “and to check on what you were doing.”

“Oh,” Lance said, trying to keep his cool, “I was just doing homework.You know, like a student”

Marco glanced over at his laptop with a suspicious eye. “On your email.”

“Uh, yeah. Partner project.” Lance answered, forcing himself to smile. A good ten seconds passed before Marco gave in and responded.

“Well, good luck with that. I’ll be out late, so don’t wait up.” 

“Okay. Have a good time.” Lance replied as his brother left, closing his door.

Lance hurriedly looked at his screen, expecting a rely.

It was empty. Still.

Lance lost patience. Email was far, far too inconvenient. He decided to take action.

_Okay, maybe we should just call or text because email sucks. Dial me man._

After entering his number, Lance hit send. He knew that Keith seemed to be a private person, but honestly. Even text would be better than this.

After getting something to eat and accomplishing zero percent of his homework, Lance got a call from an unknown number. Hoping that it was Keith and not some good old lady that wanted his social security number, Lance picked up.

“This is Lancey Lance at your service.”

“Uh...this is Keith.”

“Yeah, figured.” Lance could feel the awkwardness emanating from Keith on the line. Lance may not be good at making himself feel confident all the time, but if someone needed saving Lance could flourish his charm. 

_Now is the time,_ Lance narrated to himself. _I must activate my people skills to rescue this poor awkward teen. I, Lance McClain, will save us all. And by all, I mean two people, but still._

“So yesterday was eventful.” Lance started.

“Uh...yeah. I didn’t really mean to hurt Allura.”Keith mumbled. 

“Okay,” Lance said calmly, “you were...angry?” 

“I…”Keith sighed on the line. “I guess. It wasn’t her fault, really, but she just set me off.”

_Okay, so tread lightly here, McClain._ “How did she set you off?”

There was a pause on the other side of the line.

“Has Pidge told you anything?”

Lance froze. “Pidge? What does Pidge have to do with this? Hunk and I haven’t been able to get a hold of her all day.”

“I...uh. I don’t know if I should tell you then.”Keith hesitated. Lance could understand where he was coming from, but he just needed to know if Pidge was okay.

“Keith,” Lance started, “I know you’re trying to respect Pidge’s privacy, but Hunk and I are out of our minds. I’ll own up to it if she gets mad, but I’m concerned about her and…” _and you._

Keith sighed. “Okay, but...don’t go spreading it around, okay?”

“Me? I don’t have a big mouth!” There was an awkward silence between the two. “Fine, I promise.”

“Okay then.” Keith took a deep breath.

“I’m not sure if you know, but Shiro and Matt are close friends. They-they were at the academy together. So, they decided to carpool to go camping with some of the guys at the station last weekend. And then I don’t-well what they _told_ me that the weather was bad while they were driving back. And that they-that they drove straight off the fucking road.”

“Man, Keith, I’m-”

“No, don’t finish that sentence. It’s ridiculous. Lance, _they’re both police officers, how could they drive off the road._ I got called into Allura’s office after, and I _tried_ telling her that I don’t believe they’re dead. Not until I see some fucking proof. Then she told me that I might be in denial and I just saw red. I _know_ that they’re both alive. I can just sense it.”

Lance felt his heart sink. It did actually seem that Keith was in denial, but Lance decided to refrain from arguing this one time. He seemed so desperate to believe in Shiro, so adamant that he was alive, that Lance didn't have the heart to tell him no. He closed his eyes. Pidge must have been taking this hard.

“So..”Lance started. “They’re both alive, okay. Do-do you know when you’ll be back at school?”

“I’m only suspended for five days. But uh…I know got a little heated just explaining what happened. I just…”Keith trailed off.

“It’s fine. Really, no one should expect you to be completely composed right now.”Lance reassured.

“Yeah...I uh. I really _do_ regret punching Allura. I just- I just couldn’t think.” Keith let out a little laugh devoid of humor. “I know Shiro will have my ass if I don’t apologize.”

Lance laughed along and tried to lighten the mood. “You know, you could bake something as a peace treaty.”

“I...that’s not a bad idea.”

Okay, so Lance had been joking, but if Keith wanted to bake to make himself feel better, who was Lance to stop him?

“I..can I ask you a favor?” Keith murmured.

“Hit me.”Lance said and hated himself for using that phrase. Luckily, Keith didn’t notice his ill word choice.

“Could you...could you give Allura something for me? If you’re okay with swinging by my house tomorrow morning before school. I’d...I’d appreciate it.”

Lance _really_ didn’t want to see Allura again. With one more look, it felt like her eyes could gain entrance to everything he thought.That was definitely something he wanted to avoid. But Keith...he sounded so desperate. 

“Sure, man.Text me your address and I’ll be there.” Lance feigned confidence. It was getting disturbingly easy to do that lately.

“Lance. Thank you.”

Keith’s straight-forwardness threw Lance off. 

“No-no problem man.”

After Keith hung up, Lance thought about texting Hunk. He promised Keith not to spread it around, but he knew Hunk could keep a secret. But what if he freaked out more? Lance sighed. He would ask Keith if it was okay tomorrow morning, and then talk to Hunk in person.

Meanwhile, Lance pulled up Pidge’s number. He shot he a text, being as polite as he knew how.

_Hey shortie. I heard that something may have happened with Matt. Wanna talk? You have a coupon on hugs and coffee._

After waiting a couple minutes with no response, Lance glanced again at his laptop. He didn’t have the sheer willpower needed to start the paper now. A nap was in order.

Closing his eyes, Lance willed himself into sleep.  
\-------------------------------------------  
 _No matter what, Hunk’s presence had always brightened up Lance’s day. Besides the fact he always had a piece of yellow on him, Hunk emitted a warm kindness that was infectious. People like Hunk were rare, and Lance was forever grateful that he had the privilege of calling him a friend._

_But, as Hunk turned around, his usual warmth was replaced by a slithering sensation that wrapped around Lance’s spine._

_His skin was an old faded photograph, tinged with yellow and faded. His eyes dug into Lance’s head, and when he spoke, his words tied a noose around Lance’s neck._

_“I know,” Hunk said. His mouth didn’t move, but his words ricocheted around the air, violently bouncing in Lance’s skull._

_“I know you’re lying, Lance.” Suddenly, Hunk was right up in his face. His skin had dust; Lance smelled the staleness of him._

_“You can’t hide you’re weak. I already know.” Lance started choking. The air was heavy; Hunk’s words constricted him and the dust was coating his lungs._

_“Everyone knows you’re useless. Everyone know you just leech off of people like me. They all know.” On his knees, Lance could barely see Hunk kneel in front of him._

_“You’re not fooling anyone, Lance.” Hunk grabbed Lance’s face and yanked it upwards. “So why don’t you give up already.”_

_Hunk’s hand found Lance’s neck. He couldn’t breathe. Oh, god he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe, whycouldn’thebreatheHunkstop-_  
\-------------------------------------------

Lance’s breath was still trying to run away from him, tearing itself from his body as he desperately tried to replace it. It wasn’t real. It wasn’t real. _It wasn’t real._

_It was close enough to the truth._

Lance felt tears escape. They wanted to be far away from him too. Even they knew that Lance was a parasite, sucking life out of people like Hunk. He wasn’t worthy of anything. The world needed to be relieved of him.

He yanked at his hair, held his head. His knees drew close to his chest.

_Why am I like this? Why can’t I be good? Why can’t just be good?_

Lance didn’t know when, but eventually his brain took pity and lead him to unconsciousness again.


	7. Chapter 7

Lance couldn't seem to wake up. His eyes were open, his mind sluggishly responded, but nothing had changed since the dream. Every breath he took, he could feel hands wrapped around his throat, dust lingering in his nose and the thought of Hunk´s face burned in his memory. The world around him was grainy, and no amount eye-rubbing would undo it.

Reaching out, his fingers found his phone. A notification from an unknown number popped up. An address?

_Oh._

Suddenly, he remembered yesterday. Keith. He had to get to Keith´s house. He scanned the address and was thankful that he recognized the street; Hunk also lived there. Glancing at the clock, Lance knew that he would have to book it. He put down his phone and searched for his keys. Where on earth could they have gone? Why was he so disorganized? Why did everything still feel off?

Finally, he found them among his socks. That reminded him to change, which he did the quickest he had in his whole life. After shoving on his shoes, he sprinted to the door. Nearing the threshold, however, his face met the floor in the most unromantic kiss of his life. 

Lance flopped on the carpet, a drained starfish. Ah yes, his backpack. That was important. Snatching it up, he made his way downstairs.

He arrived in one piece to his car. The little red thing groaned alive, which Lance barely registered as bad. He could deal with it later. Everything could be dealt with later. What was he doing again?

Keith. He was going to Keith’s.

As he left his street, Lance shook his head. He needed to focus, but nothing felt real. Everything was grainy and his mind was scrambled. Despite this, he made his way to Keith’s street, found the complex and looked for his apartment.

After a moment, he found it. Lance managed to park and somehow made it up the steps uninjured. His knocks conjured up Keith, unceremoniously dressed in grey sweats and a ponytail.

“Hi.” Keith greeted him with a smile. It was out of focus and Lance dimly wondered if something was wrong with his eyes.

“Uh so...here are the cookies.” As Keith handed him a bag of slightly burned chocolate-chip cookies, Lance realized he hadn’t greeted him back. Whoops. 

“Um…Thanks for taking them for me.” Keith’s hand made its way to the back of his neck. “It really...it really means a lot.”

Lance managed a nod.

Keith frowned. “Are..are you okay? You seem kinda off.”

Warning bells went off in Lance’s head. Keith couldn’t know. He couldn’t know how weak he was.

Lance fought the static in his head and threw on a smile. “Yeah. Mornings, y’know?”

Their eyes met. Keith had to admit he hadn’t spent much time noticing Lance’s eyes before, but they seemed dim, almost out of focus. Keith’s instincts were screaming at him. He couldn’t leave Lance alone yet.

“Yeah,”Keith started, “Mornings suck. How about I walk you to your car so you don’t get lost then?”

“Uh okay.” Lance shrugged. He just had to pull it together until they got to his car. He could do this.

They made their way to old red, and Lance hopped in before saying anything to Keith. Okay, that was rude, but Lance would apologize later. Right now, he just needed to get to school and keep his head down. As he stuck his key in, he was painfully aware of Keith looking at him. Concerned. Lance had failed yet again. He needed to get away _now_.

He turned his car key. Nothing happened. 

He tried again, praying to whoever could force his car to work with him for once.

Nada.

Fuck.

 _Of course_ his car wasn’t fucking working. _Of course_ he was going to be late to fucking school. _Of course-_

Lance stopped himself. He probably needed a jump start, which would involve people. He need to keep it together. Exiting his car, he approached a highly perplexed Keith.

“Uh...you wouldn’t happen to have jumper cables, would you?” Lance mumbled.

“Our only ones were in Shiro’s car,” Keith answered, “but my neighbor Kolivan probably has some. He works evenings, so he should be home. I’ll...go ask him.” He shuffled back up the stairs while Lance sat down on the sidewalk.Taking deep breaths, Lance was determined to keep his cool.

A little bit later, Keith sat next to him.

“He’s looking for the jumper cables now. Shouldn’t be too long.”Keith stated.

“Thanks.”Lance responded without looking at the other boy.

“Least I can do. I’m the reason you’re totally going to miss first period anyway.”Keith said. “Maybe we’ll at least get suspended together.”

Lance inhaled a little bit. He knew it was supposed to be a joke, but he could help thoughts that crammed their way in.

_Suspended? Your parents are going to fucking hate you. Not only do you get crappy grades, but you can’t even show up on time to school. You won’t even be able to give those damn cookies to Allura and that’s the only reason Keith even is talking to you now and you’re going to let him down, just like you’re letting Hunk down for not showing up to school and being a goddamn leech and Pidge for not even knowing about Matt but it’s not like it even fucking matters anyway because it’s not like they actually need you, you stupid little-_

Lance felt weight on his shoulder. It was a hand. Somehow, Lance had doubled over.As he straightened himself up and looked at Keith, he realized there were tears in his eyes.

_Oh god you messed up, you messed the fuck up, Keith is going to tear you apart-_

“Hey, it’s okay,” Keith said awkwardly. “Jump starting isn’t that bad, and Kolivan’s really nice.”

What.

A beat passed.

Lance started laughing.

Keith was _so off_ the mark. A freaking jump start was barely the tip of the iceberg, and to hear all of his worries scrunched up like that sent Lance into near hysterics.

“Uh...you alright, man?” Keith cautiously asked. Lanced was laughing like a crazy person, and Keith’s worry intensified.

“Yeah, it’s just my car not working is the ultimate cherry on top of this shit-show week, I guess.” Lance said. For some weird reason, laughing managed to calm him down. Somehow, Keith’s naive reassurance actually worked.

Keith looked away and nodded. “Yeah, shitty week indeed. I really feel that.” He scooted a little closer to Lance and let some silence pass. When he finally spoke, his voice was a whisper. 

“Shiro would always make these god-awful motivational speeches. All time. Really, they were cheesy action movie bad. But lately I keep thinking about them and I just know he’d be the first to tell me to get through it.” He paused and glanced at Lance with a tiny smile. “And if I can get through this week with my mullet, you can definitely do it with your nice haircut.”

Wait, what?

Did Keith just...complement him?

“Keith, I got the cables. Where’s the car?” The stranger’s voice made the pair leap off the sidewalk.

“Oh, thanks Kolivan. It’s this red one right here.”Keith said, and pointed out the broken machinery. In no time, Lance’s girl was ready to haul his ass to school.

Keith offered Kolivan one of the cookies from the bag, but he declined, sourcing his strict diet. Lance didn’t let him get away without thanking him profusely though and shaking his hand.

“He seems nice.”Lance smiled after Kolivan retreated to his apartment.

“Yeah, he is. He’s looked out for me these past couple of days, too.” Keith quietly responded.

A small silence passed between the two.

“Well, I guess I better head to school.” Lance said.

“Yeah. That’s probably a good idea.” Keith agreed. 

Lance turned around, mentally preparing to face Hunk. He opened to the door to his poor car when-

“Lance!” 

Lance turned around, startled by the loud exclamation.

“Uh…”There was Keith, looking highly embarrassed. “I made way more cookies than what’s in that bag, so later-if you want- you could come over and gorge on them and maybe bitch about the week? It’s not like I’m doing anything with the whole suspended thing anyway, and you could bring other people if you wanted if you’re not comfortable coming alone here or you don’t have too, really, it’s-”

“Keith,”Lance interrupted. “That sounds nice.”

Keith looked relieved. “Great! I’ll...clean then.”

Lance laughed and, for the first time in a long time, it didn’t feel forced. “I’ll see you later then man.” 

Back inside his revived car, Lance felt the first spark of energy all morning. He got this. He could go to school and kick ass. Glancing at the bag of cookies, he didn’t let his confidence falter. _He could do it._

Soon, Keith was a speck in his rear view mirror, and Lance was on his way to face Garrison High again.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait folks, but here it is!

Lance pulled up to school in the middle of second period. As he turned off his car, part of him was tempted to sit there for a while. Drum on the steering wheel, maybe sneak a cookie, maybe take a nap. Just not go inside. He could put it off, right? 

Slowly, he breathed out. It’d be no use to put it off. He had to just do it.

Without letting himself think any longer, Lance snatched the cookies up, got out of his car, and went inside the main entrance.

As he neared the sign above- COUNSELOR’S OFFICE- he didn’t let himself slow down. Just like three days ago-had it really been three days?- his footsteps rebounded off the walls and the weirdness of being out of class settled in. Lance brushed it aside. He got this, he got this, he got this.

He walked under the sign, and towards Allura’s door. It was open, and he could see her sitting, typing away at her desk. Resolutely, he knocked on the open door.

Allura’s chair squeaked as she turned around. As her eyes met his, Lance felt his stomach turn. 

_Oh god I can’t do this. I can’t fucking do this._

“Lance! What a surprise.” Allura greeted him with a warm smile. “Come in, come in.”

“Uh, thanks.”Lance stretched his mouth as much as he could, praying he looked happy and not like a serial killer. He took two steps into the room and stopped. He shouldn’t have to sit, right? He was just going to give Allura cookies and then run.

“So uh” Lance swallowed. “I have these.” He waved the bag of cookies around awkwardly. “Not-not from me though. From Keith. I talked to him and he said he felt sh-bad for punching you. And I uh...Here.” Stepping forward, he almost threw the cookies at his counselor.

Graciously, she took them. “Please tell Keith thanks. And thank you, Lance, for bringing them all this way.” She paused. “If you don’t mind, take a seat real quick.”

“I uh…” Lance wanted to say that he really did mind. Allura was being nice, and there was no reason for Lance to really be uncomfortable, but he still felt his heart trying to run away. But Lance knew he couldn’t keep avoiding her. Besides, it was just easy conversation, right? And what if it was something about Keith?

“Sure.” Lance plopped down on her couch. Allura got up and closed the door

_Oh no._

As she sat back down, her eyes met his. Again, they seemed to bore into him, press him farther and farther into the couch. Why did he sit down? He should have said he really needed to get class. He was screwed, he was so, so screwed-

“Are you alright, Lance?”

Lance’s head shot up. Somehow, he had moved his head to look at the floor. Allura was staring-no, looking- at him patiently and her words had been soft and careful. She wasn’t really tearing through his mind, she was just trying to knock at the door.

Lance put up a weak smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. How about you?” Allura frowned slightly.

“Lance. Your eyes are red. Either you’ve been crying or doing drugs. I’d like to know which.” Allura’s tone was a little more firm than her original question.

“Contacts?” Lance responded weakly. Allura just looked at him.

“I…” Lance looked down at his hands, rubbing his thumbs together. “I was crying.”

He more felt Allura’s nod then saw it. “I know I made you slightly uncomfortable, but it’s important that you know you don’t have to be scared or have too much pride to talk about your feelings, to me or anyone. You are absolutely welcome to come here anytime to talk.” A beat passed. “All I want is for you to take care of yourself, Lance. That’s it. That’s my whole intention.”

Lance’s shoulders relaxed. Allura didn’t have some secret agenda to tear him apart and dissect his insides or to laugh at how pathetic she found him. She just wanted Lance to be okay. He didn’t have to be completely guarded. 

He looked up. “Thank you. I...I might take you up on your offer.”

Allura smiled.

“I uh...I’m meeting up with Keith this afternoon.” He didn’t know why he mentioned it, but somehow it felt important to him that Allura knew. 

“That’s great! I really appreciate you helping Keith out right now. He…” She faltered a little. “It’s important that you’re there.”

Grey sweats and a ponytail. Lance thought back and saw Keith more clearly then he had in that morning. Cookies, slightly burnt, and eyes, tired. Keith, scooting next to him and telling him not to worry. Keith saying that his haircut was nice. Keith, harsh one day, but kind the next. Keith.

“It’s really nothing. He...he’s helped me out too.”

Allura had a little smile. “I’m sure you two will be great friends.” She sounded like she was implying something, but Lance wrote it off to his head.

“Anyways,”Lance slowly stood up, “I should probably get to class.”

“I’ll write you a note. What class is it, again?”

“Astronomy. Ms.Malocoti.” Lance’s favorite class. Not only was space freaking cool, but he sat next to Pidge and Hunk. 

Pidge.

As Lance grabbed the note from Allura, he decided to ask about her. “Do you know if Pi-Katie Holt is here today?”

Allura glanced up at him curiously. “Sorry, but I’m not sure. I’m not her counselor. Another friend of yours?”

“Yeah.”Lance was a little deflated, but at least he’d find out soon if she was there or not. “See you later, Allura.”

“Bye, Lance.” Allura waved at him as he left.  
\-------------------------------------------

“Dude, where were you!?” As soon as Lance stepped into astronomy, he found himself bear hugged by Hunk. “I was texting you all morning!”

Lance patted his pockets. Empty. “Sorry. I forgot my phone and old red had to get a jump start.”

“Dang, hard morning.” Hunk sighed and let him go. “You know you could always ask me for a ride though. I mean, maybe even after school’s started. Teacher’s will probably turn the blind eye for me.” Hunk gave him a warm smile. Lance felt honored. Hunk _never_ skipped school, and the fact he was willing to do it for Lance made him feel that maybe Hunk really did like him. Maybe he really did care. Allura’s voice rang in his mind. Maybe that _was_ it. That was his whole intention.

“Thanks, buddy. I better go talk to Malocoti.”

As Lance walked to the front to give Ms.Malocoti his slip, he felt the class’ eyes on him. It looked like they were doing a worksheet, so he hadn’t interrupted the lesson, but his arrival caused a slight disturbance in the force. 

_It’s alright._ Lance soothed himself. _This is school. You’re supposed to be here. They’re all probably jealous that you got hugged by Hunk._

He handed his slip in and made his way back to his desk. As he was dodging backpacks strewn on the floor, he noticed that the seat to Hunk’s right had a backpack next to it.

“Pidge is here?” Lance asked as he took his seat.

“Yeah, she’s in the bathroom right now.” Hunk leaned in closer. “Dude, she said that she would tell me what happened later, but it doesn’t look good. She’s pretty shaken by it.”

Lance nodded. “We’ll be here for her.”

Just then, Pidge walked in. She seemed more tired than usual, extreme eye bags stuck on her face. Lance made eye contact with her as she walked over. Red eyes.

“Hey Pidge.” Lance greeted.

“Hi Lance.” She responded shortly and with a small smile. Lance recognized that look. It was the same smile gave out.

“Hey,” He said gently. “I’m no Hunk, but wanna hug?”

She stared at him. Confused. Lance was bracing himself was a no when her faced relaxed. 

“Yeah, kinda.”

Lance jumped up and wrapped his arms around her. Pidge was the smallest person in their grade, and he gave her a lot of shit for it. But in that moment, she seemed more small than he’d ever seen her.

“Look, I…”Pidge started, “I’m sorry for going MIA but some...stuff happened.”

“You don’t need to explain right now, Pidge.” Lance reassured. He definitely wanted to talk to Pidge about this, but maybe second period science wasn’t the place. He should ask her to meet up after school to talk about Matt.

A lightbulb went off in Lance’s head.

“Hey, I’m going to Keith’s after school.”

“What?” Pidge was so surprised she broke the hug. “ _Keith_ asked you to come over?”

“Yeah. We’re going to have cookies and bitch about the week. You wanna tag along?”

Pidge paused slightly, then nodded. “Sure. Why the hell not.” She turned to Hunk. “Wanna have cookies at Keith’s after school?”

“Sounds good to me.” Hunk answered. Lance dimly recalled the burnt cookies. Hunk was going to have a heart attack at the sight of them. Or a field day trying to teach Keith how to properly make them.

Pidge and Lance took their seats. Hunk began chattering about something his little siblings had done. Pidge smiled and, eventually, laughed. Lance let a smile grace his lips. After a little bit, Pidge turned towards him.

“Hey, should I text Keith about us tagging along? Boy doesn’t like to be taken by surprise.”

Lance hummed and she started typing on her phone.

“He wants to know if we’re cool waiting until four to come over. Says he’s needs to clean up.” Pidge informed the group.

Lance imagined Keith panicking, stuffing things in drawers and hiding failed attempts at cookies. Now that made him smile.

“Yeah. It’s a plan.”


End file.
